Am i Fat?

Somebody asked me the other day if i thought i was fat.... my answer without even thinking came out as yes... I KNOW ridiculous isnt it!

Now dont get me wrong i am happy with my size, i feel fit and healthy and i know i look good (well i hope i do) but i guess this is the one last hurdle i have to face... starting to realize that dispite what i think, or feel, or what the media want me to think I AM NOT FAT.

I think as a prevously seriously obese woman ive never quite lost the feeling that people look at me, or the fear something wont fit, or ill be too heavy for that, or will i fit into that seat? its ridiculous i know... im sure i would be some psycologists wet dream but its hard to shake a lifetime of learned responses and fear.

It doesnt help that as a size 14/16 woman the media percieves me as PLUS SIZE, that there are charts out there such as BMI which still classify me as over weight without taking into account excess skin weight, and lean muscle mass... (please dont think these scales are the be all and end all they are merely a guide).

If size zero was the way we should all be.. why are so little of us there?

I guess its a little unfair that not only do i have to learn to battle with my own warped sense of body image but the societies as well... but i guess writing my blog is one way to help defeat these

 But the real reason im writting this particular page is to let others know we are all the same, we all have that little inner demon and that this.. the last hurdle can be conquered.
It will take time i know that, but as each day goes by i catch myself smiling at my image more than i do cursing it, i feel sexy more often than i do ugly, and i smile more with every day that passes.
 I am gradually training out the immediate learned response that is "I'm FAT" from years of being that way. now I need to realise im a normal healthy sexy woman with a long life to lead..... "I AM beautiful"  both inside and out :-)

Mairis army

Well it's been one heck of a week. I have taken part in more aerobics classes then I ever would have thought humanely possible in a week!

I have side stepped,grapevined and leg curled my way to a very sweaty victory.

Now I have never been the most comfortable aerobics participant often feeling more like a baby elephant on ice than anything else. But through sheer determination, sweat and tears not to mention a few hours in London fields park prancing around like a looney..... I have made it through.

Today was assessment day and along with a banana a few of what looked like the cast from frame, and myself dressed as an army sergeant we pranced our way through aerobic hell and came out the other side qualified!

Oh yeah me and my barmy army can dance and no we will bring forth our aerobic prowess to the world 

Now heres where it gets interesting

Well im now nearly half way through my PT course and im still loving every minute. Now most of the anatomy and physiology we have done up to this week has been more of a refresher for me, but we are now getting deep into the practical applications of the science and all i want is more.....
Im learning so much about myself and the reasons both mental and physical as to why i have plateauxed! and Yes Toby i can now see what you mean about over training.....and i admit im falling firmly into that category.
All this time i was thinking ive been training less vigorously than last year and couldnt quite see why i have not managed to loose this last stone and a half... its been so irritating.... stubbourn fat!
I thought i had a fairly mixed up routine, but when i look at it now, even though many of the excercises may change i have been training in the same zone and essentially my body has got bored. Its desperate for a change. imagine how bored you would get eating the same breakfast every day for a year.... well thats pretty much how my body is feeling.
Now much of the reason my routine is set is due to work and time i have availible.... but its no excuse for me not to change it up a bit more..... as the saying goes "if you always do what you have always done you will always get what you have always got!"
I cant wait to start instigating some of the training methods we are learning, now i have a better understanding of what works what and why, and how it will make it so much easier for me to apply logic and get gains ( or losses dependent on how you look at it :-) ).... not just for me but for my future clients too.
i can barely control the excitement of the potential for me to not only change my life but also improve others too. as i have said before if i can just change a handful of peoples lives the way i have what better reward could i have... and i really hope that i can be just good enough to do that.

Legs and abs of steel

well im now 1.5 weeks through my PT course and its going great. i have passed my first assesments with flying colours and have been told by my trainer that i have a flair for the job and great personality she thinks i will make a great PT.
Its so good to feel like im making the right choice im loving every day from theory in the classroom to bench pressing with the guys.
we also did some fitness testing today... a bit like a body MOT... and i have got the all clear. not only is my BP is normal, my lung capacity well over average, and my resting heart rate is low (but not scary theres an issue low just my body is chilaxing low).
We also did a fitness step test in which i scored higher than the girls and up there with the boys, as well as a sit up test where i also beat the girls and to the boys shock beat most of them too tehehehe.
We also tried out our max strength today. this is basically how much can you pull, push, lift etc in one repitition... i.e its as heavy as you can go you will be able to do one but no more. I (again to the boys suprise) leg pressed 185 kilos more than double my weight, and chest pressed 55 kilos.
All of the above just goes to show that you dont have to look ultra skinny or fit to actually be fit. im a good size 14-16 and i am right up there with the best in my class. i think i earned a little respect today from those in my class and gave myself a pretty good boost of confidence too.
Roll on tomorrow. i cant wait to get out there and start helping others.

London Baby!

well im finally here... down in london after a small train trip... on which sheamus helped me with some anatomy revision....and getting nervous about starting my course tomorrow!

However im also so excited about the things i will learn and the people im going to meet... maybe they are all just as insane as me! I cant believe its actually here and that i am actually just about to start my personal trainer course.... again who would have thought that someone like fat mairi could turn away from the cakes and head into the fast lane :-P

ive also just been out on a 3 mile run with my little brother (who is kindly putting me up fo the duration of the course) heading out along the canal and through victoria park... it was pretty nice and my knee seems to have held up, but is nagging a little so i will stick with this distance for a while till it stops complaining.

hopefully if i can get up to around 4 miles in the next week or so, i will actually be able to run along the canal to the course each morning as its only about 3.5 miles and means i will miss the rush hour madness which i am not looking forwards to at all!

but hey ho.. here we go. im off to spend the day in the park for a parks festival to relax before the madness begins... look out world here i come.

Woohoo New Legs

well as you all know i have just recently started running again.... well jogging and for just a few minutes at a time :-)
But yesterday i went out for a slightly longer jog with a friend...... 3k no knee pain (well not while i was running) then a little walk followed by another 1k jog .....wehey! god i have missed it and it seems so far so good ...touch something woody (fumbles around and finds a small wooded pencil grabbing it quickly)
Unfortunatly as i havent run for so long albeit my legs seem to be taking the reintroduction to running fairly well my lungs are not!... i have kept fit, but it seems the loss of running has had a severe effect and its going to take me some time to convince my lungs that running really is fun :-) there was a little bit of screaming coming from the lung area they were not happy.... but soon i will whip them back into shape.

so the new plan is up 1k in distance every week with at least 2 runs at that distance each week for 6 weeks. After this time if all is well and the lungs and knees have settled i will up it by 1.5 k each week for 6 weeks which will get me to 18k just befopre the half marathon setting me up for a good injury free run :-)
oooh i do like a good plan :-) bring on the next few weeks and my new legs :-)
(shussssssssssh lungs you will learn to love running again)

Where has my sunshine gone?

we all have bad days and good ones...... i must admit im having a bit of a rough time at the moment! i know crazy huh and we all thought i was invinsible lol....
i think i will always have to battle my evil little inner monkey, and the last few months being unable to run have not helped. i still train 4-5 times a week, but ive missed my running. Ive noticed the naughty snacks creeping back in... i can see it hapening but sometimes its just to hard to resist and you think theres always tomorrow!... well there is always tomorrow but if i want to see lots of them i need to rein my evil little monkey in.
the good news is im now running again... well jogging and only a few minutes at a time while i build up my leg strength, but its given me the light at the end of the tunnel. ive gotta admit work has been tough recently and im now hitting one of the hardest weeks of the year where my training routine will thoroughly be upset and the food on the run more of a frequent occurance. however ive stocked up m fridge at work with fruit and i intend to have a good long session in the gym tomorrow (possibly the only chance i will get this week).
i guess what im tryng to say today is we all have hard weeks, but when you have been overweight like me, its so important not to let them get the better of you.. as its a slippery slope which is easily fallen on. so take stock, dont feel guilty, and prepare the best you can for whats to come. i may not train much this week, but i will be running round like a looney at work and as long as i try to make the best food choices i can this week, i can make up some gym time next week. and i know my sunshine will return...... i may have had a hard few weeks and made a few bad choices but im aware of them enough now to stop it becoming a snowball effect. I even bought myself a new animal top this week a SIZE 14 woohoo.... i love it and its perfect for summer, fat mairi will not win because the new more balanced mairi is now in da house :-)

Yoga

After my last trip to the physio she suggested i try out yoga.....  now this is not normally something i would have considered.. i just get images of old ladies and hippies lying around flexing their body into positions that are just.... well unatural! not to mention the fact its slow and how on earth could something like that burn any calories.
However i am doing everything my physio says so i can get running fit again as soon as possible so off to yoga it was.
As i headed in there i realised a few of my preconceptions were true... old ladies and hippies abound.. but yet there were many of your average day to day gym folk there too.. so i thought ok here we go.

Now before i knew it i had my head down bum up and heels on the ground in bowing dog i think........
leading into arms back head down and one leg up of the something swan. It was actually quite difficult, but the yoga teacher (apparently a fully fledged yogi master who cant even kill the mosquitos which feasted on him the night before) was very calm and helpful, and i began to strangely enjoy the challenge of getting my body into shapes i never believed possible..... not only that but managing to hold it, and hold my own with the rest of the far more experianced hippies and oldies :-)

During the session i even noticed my heart racing so there were definatly a few calories being burnt in crouching swan hidden doggy :-)

By the end of the 1.5 hours session i was actually very tired but extremly peaceful and positive about the whole experiance. it was very strange but i certainly felt the class was benefiting me and my inner balance, not to mention my outer stability.

All in all i think yoga was good for me, and i will certainly be seeing how the next class goes and if i at all improve my downward dog. And to what effect it may indeed help my nagging leg injuries. My physio will be proud.

Training isnt all about the gym, classes or PT's

Dont you just love a little bit of sunshine... nothing better to get you up, out and happy. Indeed is is true that sunshine actually does make you happy by improving levels of chemicals in your brain.
Any how the sun is definatly a good vibe for me.... walking home from the gym this morning i decided to get out in the garden and tackle all those overgrown slabs, the dead tree and generaly have a good tidy of the garden.

 The great outdoors wether its your garden or a park.. is a great way to burn a few extra calories. You dont have to be in a gym or have your own trainer to loose weight... i have just finished 3.5 hours pulling, pushing, squating, lifting and generally getting a bit manual in he garden.  Believe me no machine in the gym has me working as hard as the dead tree in the corner of our yard did... i must have spent 1 hour just breaking and pulling that down... it is definatly the most stubbourn dead tree i have ever known, i also discovered the tree bites! i am now covered in bruises scratches and splinters lol. Its so good for the soul though... its like a good spring clean of the garden, and after all my huffing, puffing and lugging round the yard im very chuffed with my achievement.
so if there are any of you out there who are wondering how to get a little more active but are too afraid of the gym, just get out in your garden and have a bit of spring clean... it will do you and your garden the world of good. and if you havent got your own.. help a friend :-)

It's a Deep Burn!

When you first start training for whatever reason it may be... either to tone up, increase your fitness, or loose a little  of the excess (or in my case A LOT) you expect there to be a bit of pain and aching muscles involved. Some people will get put off in just their few sessions because of this (please dont be). And i for one remember the many times i was unable to walk down stairs without resorting to sliding down on my bum or roll out of bed without considerable time being taken to try to assume the least painful method! I even remember one time when my gluts (bum) was so sore on one side that i couldnt get into my car properly and had to try to sit only on the other side (extremly difficult whilst driving and not recommended!).... much to the ammusement of my so called friends!

However if you manage to push through this - which i highly recommend you do - the BURN becomes a little less each time and you soon find it takes a lot for you to get the same degree of Burn. i now get the occassional minor ache but nothing in comparison to the early days unless i have a big routine change and work hard on something i havent done before or for a while.

However this is where i made my mistake... i jokingly said to my trainer whilst training yesterday morning that it had been a while since he had managed to make me feel the burn to which he joyously replied we will fix that! Many one legged squats, squats, straight legged dead lifts, and one legged planks later i was feeling pretty beasted, and my bed was certainly a joyous place to be last nite...... But then the morning came... and oh my god i could FEEL THE BURN! my thighs feel like they have been run over by an elephant.... each step comes with its own cry for redemption and stairs are yet again my biggest nemesis! everytime i squat down to pick something up (and im trying to limit the times i need to do this!) i feel like my legs have bought a one way ticket and arent going to be able to make the return journey back up to standing!

But do you know what... i love it.... i wont be going to the gym today as my aching muscles need a day to recover. But its strange to think that the fact im hurting means i have done some good, and given my body a change in tempo to keep it on its toes. Yes one day you too will yearn for the feeling of the burn and be happy with the aching steps down the stairs and the comical effort you put into getting up or down.

The burn is my friend but one that i am happy to have just occassional visits with as it reminds me im alive and kicking :-)

p.s Thank You Toby for my ass whooping

Do i have the time?....... the answer has to be yes!

All day i had been planning to head out on a bike ride after work, i knew what time i needed to leave and how long it would take me.... but today was one of those days where everyone and everything was determined to thwart me!

Despite trying to finish work on time the cash machine broke in the venue which then had to be fixed, i had several last minute phone calls which turned into mamouth conversations where i truly find myself wondering if the person on the other end really needed to tell me this right now!

I finally manage to set off in the car only to find im stuck behind a dear old lady doing 35 max in a 60 ahhhhhhhhh im beginning to wonder if i have the time before it gets dark

I get home and im madly running about again with the phone tied to my head as i try to sort ourt some work stuff and try to carry out my road bike at the same time..... the bruises on my legs show this really wasnt working :-)

finally i head off in the car to the bike ride location on the way i manage to persuade a friend to meet me out there.

Finally im there i get on the bike and i realise the scambling to get away from the office, the falling out of the door as i try to rush out the house with the bike, and the keeping my patience with little old ladies was all .....................completely worth it!

Later as i ride my friend joins me, and we soon realise its time to head in... partly due to the fact it was now difficult to see where we were going, note to self get light for road bike to avoid near death collisions with geese!

So when you are wondering do i have the time..... just make that concious decision to push through and do it anyway. whats the worse that could happen.... you finish a little later than you had planned. get up get out and have fun. After all whats the point in working if you dont have the time to enjoy yourself every now and again.

To supplement or not to supplement that is the question!

I have always liked to think that i get most of my daily needs of vitamins etc from my food, however as an ex vege and someone who eats little meat i guess thats unrealistic.

When i sat down and thought about i today, my only real protein source is chicken, fish or dairy products. I try to limit dairy which in turns means my calcium intake cant be great. I do eat loads of veg and fruit as well as some nuts so I'm hoping I'm balanced on most other vits.

Recently ive been having a few issues with my knees, nothing too major but it is limiting my running ability which is not something i need right now when we are leading back into spring and the new triathlon season.

so i thought whats the harm, a few extra vitamins and some cod liver oil isnt going to do me any harm.... well except to my pocket. But it may actually help me heal quicker and hence get more out of my body, i certainly dont want to be an arthritic old lady, so after the gym today i took myself for a stroll round boots pharmacy.

This is where i hit the problem..... can you believe how many types of multi vitamins there are... it took me half an hour of searching just to find one thats not for a pregnant women,50+man or those going through the menopause!

When i finally did find the right section did i want added ginseng or iron, easy to swallow or powder, for the sporting individual or normal and sometimes i thought you were paying more just for the pretty coloured packet! and yes i was comparing the ingrediants list to see if i got anything for the extra money.... in a lot of cases the answer was no.

By now i was beginning to wonder if i was going to be grabbed by the shops security id been loitering so long.

So i decided on general muliti vits from Boots own range (had pretty much everything the more expensive ones did) some cod liver oil to help my knees and over all joints and some chondroitin sulphate also for my knees (p.s scout round for this one i managed to find an own brand tucked away at the back which was less than a quater or the price of all the big names)

so off i rattled to the till, thankfuly due to my careful selections and arduous comparing it wasnt as hard on the pocket as it could have been, and i felt healthier even as i walked out the shop :-)