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Friday, 25 February 2011

Am i Fat?

Somebody asked me the other day if i thought i was fat.... my answer without even thinking came out as yes... I KNOW ridiculous isnt it!
Now dont get me wrong i am happy with my size, i feel fit and healthy and i know i look good (well i hope i do) but i guess this is the one last hurdle i have to face... starting to realize that dispite what i think, or feel, or what the media want me to think I AM NOT FAT.

I think as a prevously seriously obese woman ive never quite lost the feeling that people look at me, or the fear something wont fit, or ill be too heavy for that, or will i fit into that seat? its ridiculous i know... im sure i would be some psycologists wet dream but its hard to shake a lifetime of learned responses and fear.

It doesnt help that as a size 14/16 woman the media percieves me as PLUS SIZE, that there are charts out there such as BMI which still classify me as over weight without taking into account excess skin weight, and lean muscle mass... (please dont think these scales are the be all and end all they are merely a guide).
If size zero was the way we should all be.. why are so little of us there?

I guess its a little unfair that not only do i have to learn to battle with my own warped sense of body image but the societies as well... but i guess writing my blog is one way to help defeat these
 But the real reason im writting this particular page is to let others know we are all the same, we all have that little inner demon and that this.. the last hurdle can be conquered.
It will take time i know that, but as each day goes by i catch myself smiling at my image more than i do cursing it, i feel sexy more often than i do ugly, and i smile more with every day that passes.
 I am gradually training out the immediate learned response that is "I'm FAT" from years of being that way. now I need to realise im a normal healthy sexy woman with a long life to lead..... "I AM beautiful"  both inside and out :-)


  1. The media has a lot to answer for when it comes to society's view of women and whether they are fat/thin. All those magazines with 'curvy' girls on the cover and none of them more than a UK size 10! When I was growing up a size 8 was seen as aspirational, now it is a UK size 4 - it is just not right and I wonder and worry about my daughter growing up with this twisted view of what a woman's body 'should' look like.

  2. hi,

    thankyou for your comment. this is exactly why i write this blog, not only to help those who have lost the motivation, or need some guidance, but also to help people see the healthy balanced way life should be. its not about wether you can fit into a size zero pair of skinny jeans... believe me there are many women that size i can run rings round... its about enjoying the slightly naughty things in life as well as the good in a balanced way.
    the more people like me who stand up and challenge societies perception of what the female form should be the better.
    i really hope your daughter has got something from my story, and that she realises there is more to life than a 26 inch waste :-)