Am i Fat?

Somebody asked me the other day if i thought i was fat.... my answer without even thinking came out as yes... I KNOW ridiculous isnt it!

Now dont get me wrong i am happy with my size, i feel fit and healthy and i know i look good (well i hope i do) but i guess this is the one last hurdle i have to face... starting to realize that dispite what i think, or feel, or what the media want me to think I AM NOT FAT.

I think as a prevously seriously obese woman ive never quite lost the feeling that people look at me, or the fear something wont fit, or ill be too heavy for that, or will i fit into that seat? its ridiculous i know... im sure i would be some psycologists wet dream but its hard to shake a lifetime of learned responses and fear.

It doesnt help that as a size 14/16 woman the media percieves me as PLUS SIZE, that there are charts out there such as BMI which still classify me as over weight without taking into account excess skin weight, and lean muscle mass... (please dont think these scales are the be all and end all they are merely a guide).

If size zero was the way we should all be.. why are so little of us there?

I guess its a little unfair that not only do i have to learn to battle with my own warped sense of body image but the societies as well... but i guess writing my blog is one way to help defeat these

 But the real reason im writting this particular page is to let others know we are all the same, we all have that little inner demon and that this.. the last hurdle can be conquered.
It will take time i know that, but as each day goes by i catch myself smiling at my image more than i do cursing it, i feel sexy more often than i do ugly, and i smile more with every day that passes.
 I am gradually training out the immediate learned response that is "I'm FAT" from years of being that way. now I need to realise im a normal healthy sexy woman with a long life to lead..... "I AM beautiful"  both inside and out :-)

MMA boot Camp

Well some of you have heard me talk about Toby before... he is the Personal Trainer i started with and who changed my life so dramatically that i became a PT myself. Well i still see toby... wether its for a booster PT session (we all loose motivation some times) a sports massage for one on my mainy niggles, or just for a chat on how i can progress myself.
Well a few weeks ago Toby started talking about doing a MMA (mixed martial arts) boot camp, 4 weeks 3 group sessions a week (at 6.30am i may add)..... so i thought what the hey, ill sign up... i love training with toby anyway, and the car accident i had last autumn has played havoc with my training so it will be a good boost to get me back on form... not to mention i can pinch a few ideas for my clients :-)

well we started last week.. ive gotta tell you im not a fan of 5.30am wake ups and i will be glad of getting back to a normal sleeping routine but i dragged myself up, got ready, walked the dog and headed to tobogym.

i walked in to see matting, punch bags, ladders and much much more and the huge grin on tobys face told me we were in for a tough session!

Now here i will introduce you to the Sprawl! this is somewhat like a burpee (and we all know how much we love those!!!) but you get your hips low to the ground they are used in MMA to avoid a punch, grab whatever and allow a quick gettup. These were to become my nemesis! now one is no problem ... even 3 or 4 in a row... if only things were that easy! every time Toby shouted and i heard the word SPRAWL my heart sank a little..... but i kept fighting through.. this and shadow boxing, boxing, kicks and whatever else toby had to throw at us.

by the end of the session i was pouring with sweat and laughing hysterically (always a theme in tobys sessions) and looking forwards to the next beasting... or so i thought.

Tuesday morning came... and along with it the dreaded DOMS (delayed onset muscle soreness).... my body had not felt this way in a long time my glutes were screaming, my deltoids burning, and my ABs... well you get the picture.

However after the next two sessions of the first week i was no longer having to roll myself out of bed and dispite the early mornings i was feeling pretty sprightly.

now half way through week 2 and dispite still being tough and having the fun of sprawls and turkish getups to deal with my muscles have adapted... and by the end of the four weeks of i hope to have regaioned much of the tone and fitness i had lost due to the accident.

so if you have an opportunity to get involved in MMA, you dont have to be a fighter... its a great all round work out and brilliant fun.... roll on the next session with tobogym.